Inside vs. Outside

I feel like an athlete.

Inside, I feel like the same person I was three years ago when I was training for Ironman Wisconsin. Fit. Athletic. Capable of doing whatever I wanted. Two laps of the Poto on my mountain bike? No problem. Half marathon? 10 minute miles are an easy training run.

In my mental vision I have of myself, I look the same now as I did then. But my training and race results, the clothing in my closet, and some recent race photos prove otherwise. And tonight I had some further proof that the me that people see on the outside is not the me that I see on the inside.

I went to the running store to buy a new pair of running shoes. Nothing earth shattering, just a new pair of the same shoes I've been running in for years. The only decision to be made was whether to stick with the women's wide width version I have now or switch back to the men's version I used to run in. The guy working in the running store was very nice and helpful, but I realized as he asked me some questions (Things like "Are these for running or walking?") that he did not see me as a runner, let alone a long distance runner. And for some reason that hit me hard. I don't look like an athlete.

I know it shouldn't matter. I mean, what does he know about me? Nothing. But I guess combined with my recent slow race results and fat race pictures, it was enough to push me over the edge and really get me down. I know it should motivate me to lose weight or something positive. But for right now, it's just getting me down.